I have had this question in the forefront of my mind and I was curious for your thoughts on this particular topic. When it comes to planning, do you honor the requests of the parent who is paying for your services or for your bride who has dreamt of their wedding their entire life? I often feel like a tight rope walker teetering between both sides.
This scenario is one that every wedding planner faces from time to time and one that must be handled with care and finesse. Often wedding planners are called on to play unofficial therapist, helping the bride and mom cope with unexpected emotions that have suddenly surfaced during a time of major life change. I have literally sat in the middle of tear-filled, heated arguments between mothers and brides. In fact, it is situations like this that cause many event planners to give up weddings entirely in favor of corporate clients who aren't emotionally invested in the perfect shade of calla lilies.
My main recommendation is to never take sides. Never, ever. Do not say to the bride, in an attempt to make her feel better, "I agree that your mom's idea of covering everything with tulle was terrible". And never tell the mom that you agree her daughter has no grasp of financial reality. Remain neutral and offer your professional opinion in a tactful manner. After all, that's what they're paying you to do.
The bottom line is that the bride and groom are your clients. They are the ones legally responsible and the people you are contractually obligated to. The parents may be footing the bill, but at the end of the day, you have to answer to your clients.
So, where does that leave us with this sticky situation? Well, for one thing, it gives you a little bit of room to preempt being stuck in the middle. I'd recommend making your position clear at the initial consultation, before any of this even gets underway. In the process of explaining what it is your company does and how you will help them create an amazing wedding, I'd share a hypothetical situation with them and your "policy" on handling it. You could say something like:
"Many times emotions run high during wedding planning and you and your parents may not see eye to eye on decisions. This is perfectly normal, so don't worry about it if you run into this. However, I am contractually bound to the bride and groom, so I want to encourage you to communicate as openly as possible and come to an agreement on different things before telling me what you want me to go ahead with plan-wise."
Managing expectations up front is a method for helping steer the course of wedding planning, however it does not guarantee that you will never be placed in the middle of an argument. Being in the middle is par for the course in this job, so handle it as tactfully, graciously and neutrally as possible.
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5 comments:
My understanding of this issue from my attorney (at least in Virginia) is that the person who contracts with you - signs the contract and pays the bills - is actually the client. That could be any one of the players, and needs to be clarified immediately.
It's part of my contract signing "speech". I make clear to them that the person who is writing the checks and has signed as "Purchaser" will be my default authority figure in the event of conflict. I give them the example of the bride wanting purple flowers but the MOB wanting peach, and explain to them that I contractually must go with the one who is "my client".
I require that the signee be the purchaser as well to avoid conflict of interest.
It's a good litmus test for how they will react to such conflicts. If that clause alone starts an argument, I'm clued in that we could have a potential problem on our hands.
Thank you for the great response to a never ending situation. While I understand what Shayna is saying in her comment back I feel that sometimes it is a much harder situation than "black and white..." Thank you both for your insight into this rather unfortunate situation that happens all to often...It's this type of support from peers that keeps us sane! Keep on Blogging!
I love the way you worded this responce to your clients, I have yet to have this happen to me, but I am going to refer back to this when it does! Great Post!!
Great post, Liene. When people ask me if I have had any Bridezillas I tell them, "no, but I have had Momzillas all the time!" . I find the mothers akin to a ticking bomb--you never know what will set them off. Shayna's response to your post brought up some interesting points as well. I need to put a bit more thought into this as many of my brides are signing the contracts, but the checks are coming from their parent's accounts....
Definitely check with an attorney familiar with the laws in the specific areas you work. I always thought my contract was between me and the person who paid, but after talking with some other planners, I checked with a lawyer out here and he told me it was between me and the bride and groom for the main locations my company works in.
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