On Assuming the Worst

One of the biggest mistakes people make in business is writing someone off because of one aspect about that person that they may not like. This often leads to soured relationships and underestimating the competition.

We're all human, and we're all flawed in one way or another. You don't have to agree with someone 100% of the time, but disagreeing with them doesn't make them a bad person or a terrible company. Be careful not to throw the baby out with the bath water. Assuming that one flaw defines the whole is a dangerous practice in both business and life.

Splendid Sundays Volume 58

A handful of splendid finds from around the worldwide web:

*The U.S. Census Bureau released new data this past Thursday that shows married couples are now in the minority.

*Website Legal Issues: Why Your Terms of Use May Be Critical

*Plumage, a website dedicated to plus-size bridal fashion and beauty, will be launching a print magazine later this year.

*Why social media is critical in word of mouth marketing.

A Splendid Rerun: Imaginary vs Real Competition

Do you have any splendid finds to share?

On the Future of Media Consumption

Time slot doesn’t matter to me. I don’t care about it at all. I TiVo everything. If people want to see you, they’ll find you. If they don’t see you on TV, they’ll find you on the Internet. -- Jimmy Fallon

5 Questions to Ask When Producing Styled Shoots

Press features, either online or in print, can bring direct revenue (couples who hire you because of the feature) and/or indirect revenue (couples who hand over a credit card because you have more press and third-party credibility than a competitor). Depending on how online editorials are formatted, they can also help your SEO as they remain on a site forever and accrue certain tech benefits over time. If you're producing an editorial or styled shoot for a wedding blog or magazine, here are some questions to consider when deciding if a particular project is worth your time and resources:

1. Is the blog or magazine paying you or reimbursing for hard costs or perishables (flowers, opened champagne bottles, etc)? Some media outlets do, many do not. If they're not covering any costs, is this particular project worth spending money out of your own pocket?

2. How long will the feature appear on the blog's front page before it's buried by new posts? Less than a day? A few days? A week? Are the links provided nofollow or dofollow (the first won't help your SEO, the second will)? If you're producing the shoot for a magazine, what are their newsstand circulation numbers? How long will it be before the issue is released?

3. If the purpose of the shoot is to "get your name out there" ask yourself WHY you need to get your name out there. Ego and industry props? Paving the way to do business in a new market? Because you sell a tangible product, so name recognition is key?

4. Will the financial return exceed the money you're spending on the shoot? If you spend $500 on a styled shoot, will the revenue generated by the exposure allow you to at least break even? How much profit does the shoot need to bring you? Obviously it's impossible to know what your exact financial return will be, but you can make an educated prediction.

5. Will you be credited? Some magazines and blogs credit each participating vendor, while others only the photographer and main designer. Find out ahead of time what type of credit you'll receive.

What are some of the things you take into account when working on an editorial or styled shoot for a wedding magazine or blog?

How to Hinder the Bigger Picture

I've been fortunate to spend time developing curriculum for orphanages and teaching overseas. Part of living and working in a developing nation requires getting used to things not working properly or reliably. A faucet may or not pour out water when the knob is turned and brown-outs (localized black-outs) are common. While learning to not be dependent on these things is a valuable lesson on its own, a side effect of these experiences is that people often develop a habit of not fixing things that are broken or overlooking things that really should be paid some attention.

I remember an instance where this struck me clearly. I was working at a non-profit and my computer mouse would frequently stick. I put up with it and didn’t try to fix it. After all, it was a small annoyance, and the time spent overseas had trained me to overlook these little annoyances. In truth however, these things were slowing me down and should have been fixed. One day, the IT guy was in my office trying to fix my computer and mentioned that the mouse was sticking.

"I know." I replied.

"How long have you put up with this?" he asked.

"Maybe a few months."

"A few months! Why?! We can fix this in two minutes. Why didn't you say something?"

"I don't know. There are bigger problems in the world and complaining about a computer mouse seems dumb."

"Liene, living with a sticky mouse has no effect on famine or war. You don’t have to put up with small things like this."

Trivial? Perhaps, but it’s easy for people to become conditioned to overlooking things in favor of the bigger picture, from not dressing appropriately for an appointment (this client’s seen me a thousand times, they don’t care if I wear yoga pants and sneakers), to putting up with a workspace that drains us more than inspires us creatively, to bigger things like allowing toxic people to live rent-free in our minds. And all in the name of not complaining.

I’m not an advocate of complaining, but I am suggesting that you take stock of the things in your life and business that you may overlook. De-clutter, literally and figuratively. Fix the seemingly insignificant things that may be slowing you down or hindering your growth. Your business will be better for it.

Six Phrases I'd Like to See Die

Just like every bridal professional has a few wedding trends they'd like to see die, there are a few catchphrases that businesses throw around that I'd like to see put to rest:

Fake it 'Til You Make It
Be real instead. Authenticity sells and builds trust much more than someone pretending to be something or someone they are not.

Time is Money
Time is time. Your time may be worth money, but not every decision with your time should relate to money. Sometimes you just need to be the friend who sits in the hospital waiting room or makes time for a phone call when a friend is going through a hard divorce. Being present for the people you care about is priceless, and sometimes requires a little bit of sacrifice.

That's Just the Way It Is
This one is typically used as an excuse to not step outside of one's comfort zone: "That's just the Seattle wedding market. We can't do that here." Many great ideas stay in the idea stage because of this type of small thinking.

Everything Happens for a Reason
Yes, and sometimes that reason is because of poor and/or mean-spirited choices. Don't absolve yourself of responsibility or action by using this saying as a convenient out.

I Can Sleep When I'm Dead
If you don't sleep, you'll have the chance to prove this sooner rather than later. People get more done in less time when they get enough sleep.

Karma's a B*tch
She only is if you are. She can also be quite lovely if you let her.

What phrases would you like to see die?

The Wedding Blog Industry at a Glance

The professional wedding blog industry, while nine years old, has really taken off in the past five years. When Weddingbee.com sold to eHarmony in 2008, it signaled a shift in the online wedding industry and proved that professional wedding blogs could be a viable sub-industry on their own. The infographic below is designed to show you a snapshot about the professional wedding blog industry. Though it may seem like there's a professional wedding blog everywhere you look, it is still a super young industry and its glory days are still ahead.

Note: Wedding blogs that are owned by print magazines are not included.
Update for clarification: A professional wedding blog is when the blog is the business as opposed to a wedding professional who blogs to market their business.

Building an Authentic Brand Online

Luxury is the possibility to stay close to your customers, and do things you know they will love. If you do luxury, you have to treat people in a human way. -- Christian Louboutin

One of the fastest ways to ruin your brand's reputation online is to use a ghost blogger or ghost tweeter. While this is true for any company, it is especially applicable in the wedding industry, where the average bride or groom is a Millennial and the average bride or groom having a second wedding is part of Generation X. Like it or not, both Millennials and Generation Xers view ghost posting as lying and trying to change their mind about it is a losing game. Once you've lost their trust, they won't buy from you and their word of mouth referral has soured.

Part of the generational aversion to this practice has to do with saving face: if someone on Twitter thinks they're talking to the owner of the company because the ghost tweeter is pretending to be that person, when they find out that they're not (and they always do find out eventually), they feel embarrassed and deceived. In an age where talent abounds, that person will turn to someone else who can do the work and who doesn't lie to them through social media.

This isn't to say that you as the owner or CEO has to be the one writing the posts - it just can't be someone pretending to be you. For example, the blog for Ron Ben-Israel Cakes is written by Ron's director of operations, Rebecca, and its entire premise is a behind the scenes look at her job, not Ron's. The blog is interesting, funny and even though Ron isn't the star of the blog and it's not his voice, the blog's authenticity builds more trust in their company (it also helps that Rebecca isn't pitching their cakes in every post, just talking about life working for a famous cake designer). The same can be said of Oscar de la Renta's approach to social media: their Twitter, Tumblr and other social media accounts are all named OscarPRGirl and are a peek into her job behind the scenes at one of the world's most famous fashion houses. Both of these companies are using social media in a way that is human and treats their readers as smart people worthy of connecting with in an honest fashion.

If you own a company and know that you can't make time to personally use social media, have an assistant or an associate set up an account for the company and have them post from their point of view. (Important note: this aspect of social media needs to be in-house; the best social media or PR firms will not ghost blog or tweet for you because they know how it will impact your offline business goals.) If you have a platform that is updated by multiple people in your company, such as Twitter, have them sign each person sign their initials at the end of their posts so that readers know who they are interacting with any any given time.

Trust is difficult to build and one of the easiest things to lose. Just as you wouldn't outsource a date with your partner or an important meeting, you can't grow a strong, healthy company by faking a relationship with readers online.



Photo of Beka Rendell by Marie Labbancz

On Being Less Efficient

Everyone is arguing that we need to be more efficient so we can get more things done. I would like to argue that we may need to be less efficient and that we should spend more time on the things that matter and less on the things that don’t.

For example, there are online card-sending services where you can type up a note and it prints it out (but it’s in your handwriting!) and mails it out (but it’s the thought that counts!). No. Both are terrible. It is clear to the recipient that expressing gratitude is no more than a checkbox on your to-do list, not a genuine act.

Sending holiday cards is the same way. If you’re not going to personally sign your holiday cards, please don’t send them at all. It’s much better not to receive a card than to receive one that is essentially the middle finger dressed up in holiday cheer. Nothing is more impersonal than receiving a card you put no thought into. We really value you as our client! So we decided to spend money on spamming you this year rather than just mass-emailing for free! You’re worth $2.44 of our photo lab’s time! Happy holidays!

When it comes to building relationships for your business, spend the time necessary to do it right. Let your competitors beat you on efficiency while you trump them on true customer service.

My New Book: Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace

I am thrilled to share that my book, Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace: Marketing Your Wedding Business in Today's World, is finally (finally!) available for pre-order on Amazon. This process has been quite the journey, but I'm so excited it's finally here!

The book will be available in print and Kindle editions. The print edition is available for pre-order, but the Kindle edition won't be available until the publication date of November 1st.

Thank you so much to all of you who read Think Splendid, and who have supported me over the years. It sounds like a cliche, but it's true - this book wouldn't have happened without you all.

The Engage!11 Guide for Introverts

Engage!11, the semi-annual conference for companies serving the luxury wedding market, is coming up at the end of May at The Grand Del Mar in San Diego. I have been at all six of the Engage! conferences so far, either as a speaker or attendee, and have found each one to be a benefit to me, both personally and professionally. As an introvert, I want to share some insight on how to make Engage! work for you in case you also happen to fall in to camp "I love people, but in moderation, please."

Some of the most successful people are the shyest. 
If you think you're shy, you might be surprised to learn that some of your industry heroes are even shier. The secret is that they've learned to manage it well. This is one thing I personally have to work very hard at, and while my personality is the same throughout, it is really hard for me to introduce myself to someone. Some great opportunities have come out of my being the first to say hello to someone, however, as it is a relief to the other that they didn't have to make the painful move of introducing themselves first. Most people who attend Engage! are kind, so if you introduce yourself to someone and they're rude to you, move on. There are a lot more great people to meet.

Have some sort of game plan before you go. 
Is there anyone specific at Engage!11 you want to meet? Do you have questions for a specific speaker or attendee? At the very first Engage! in June of 2008, I asked Marcy Blum during one of the cocktail hours, "when did you stop charging what everyone said you should be charging and start charging what you had to in order to make it work?" Her answer included advice I still follow to this day and my getting over my shyness and just asking it allowed a friendship to begin. Another colleague knew that someone was attending whom she had long admired for her ability to balance work with motherhood. She made it her goal for that Engage! to get to know her and now they are friends and able to talk about the challenges their businesses face. For the most part, people at Engage! are very open with information, so if there is someone you want to learn from, seek them out and introduce yourself.

Branch out.
If you're attending Engage! with your spouse or business partner, make sure you're not attached at the hip the entire time. Eat meals with people you don't see very often or ever, rather than your roommate or the people you may see in your local industry all the time. We create our own luck, so if you only hang out with people you know, you only have yourself to blame if opportunities go to someone else.

Stick around.
As stellar as the speakers may be, the magic of Engage! is always the people in the room. And the most valuable insights, conversations and opportunities tend to happen after the sessions, sitting by the pool or in the lobby bar. The Engage! experience offers a glue that bonds people and if you're not participating, you won't get as much out of it. For introverts, this means planning ahead so that you have time to be by yourself to re-energize. Maybe it means going for a swim or a hike by yourself early in the morning or simply stealing away for 30 minutes to hide in your room in quiet so you can get back out there and socialize without killing anyone. Just don't disappear for the rest of the evening as soon as the sessions are over, or you'll miss out on some of the best and most beneficial parts of the conference.

Hold a drink. 
Introverts tend to cross their arms more so than extroverts because they subconsciously are worried about what to do with their hands. The unintended body language that results can leave you looking very unapproachable and intimidating. To get around this, hold a drink. If you're not drinking alcohol, ask the bartender to make you something without it. I usually just ask for something "not too sweet and with no alcohol" and haven't ended up with a bad drink yet. Holding a beverage gives your hands something to do while you're making conversation.

Have you attended Engage! before? If so, leave your advice for new attendees in the comments below. If you want to follow along on Twitter, the official hashtag is #engage11.

Shopping Online: Men vs Women

In July, Gilt Groupe will launch a full site solely for men. The interesting part is that everything will be offered at full-price instead of at a deep discount like Gilt's other brands (Gilt Groupe, Jetsetter, etc). Their reasoning for this is that women view online shopping as an enjoyable past-time: they'll browse multiple times a day - always window shopping and only sometimes purchasing. Whereas men tend to shop online when they need something specific and will pay a premium for quality and convenience.

The discount versus full price conversation is fascinating to me because grooms are increasingly playing a major role in wedding planning. As both brides and grooms are marrying at older ages, with more advanced education and with established careers, grooms are taking on more responsibilities as host and not leaving that title with the father of the bride. They're also more involved in setting up the post-wedding home: 65% of men are involved in the registry process these days. And, now that a majority of couples are paying for a significant portion of their weddings themselves, while a bride may still do more of the initial research, when it comes to handing over the credit card it is typically a joint decision.

Who does your online presence appeal to? Are you speaking to just brides or are you including men too? Don't get so wrapped up in focusing on the traditional wedding purchasers - the bride and mother of the bride - that you ignore an emerging key decision maker: the groom.

Everything Old is New Again

Beverly Cleary, arguably one of the most brilliant writers of the twentieth century and the woman responsible for bringing us Ramona and Beezus, eloped in 1940. Her parents were against her inter-faith marriage, but to appease societal norms at the time, she had two wedding announcement receptions afterward, one at her parent's home in Oregon and the other with friends in California. At her California reception, instead of cake they served individual ice cream to each guest with a personalized library catalog card attached (a nod to her profession).

In 1962, First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy created a mild uproar and began a new trend when she ditched the long rectangular tables in favor of round ones for a State Dinner, which at the time was just not done for formal dinners. She wanted the guests to have a more intimate experience and felt the round tables would better accomplish that goal. The round tables have since become the standard in venues around the world and wedding planners today do anything they can to avoid using them.

I share these stories to show that similar ideas come honestly and creativity has existed throughout the ages. Right now, the vintage charm of card catalogs lends itself to weddings themed around simpler times. The designers of weddings today that center around a library theme didn't copy Beverly Cleary's wedding from 70 years ago, nor did they probably even know the details of it.

History repeats itself. Wedding cake has come in and out of style for as long as it has existed. Ice cream isn't a new wedding dessert. Round tables will make a comeback after they've been retired for a little while, for similar reasons to Jackie O's. Your job as a wedding professional is to deliver work that your clients love. Don't get so wound up if people have similar ideas to yours - there is very little in this world that is truly "brand new."

On Big Ideas

I don't know about you, but this has been quite the week. In my opinion this week can go back from whence it came. So, to keep my own mental state where it needs to be, I started re-reading "Ignore Everybody" by Hugh MacLeod and this quote jumped out at me, just like it does every time I crack open this book (it helps that I've highlighted it).

A big idea will change you. Your friends may love you, but they may not want you to change. If you change, then their dynamic with you also changes.

With business colleagues it's even worse. They're used to dealing with you in a certain way. They're used to having a certain level of control over the relationship. And they want whatever makes them more prosperous. Sure, they might prefer if you prosper as well, but that's not their top priority.

Good ideas alter the power balance in relationships. That is why good ideas are always initially resisted. Good ideas come with a heavy burden, which is why so few people execute them. So few people can handle it. 

On Styled Shoots and Real Weddings

Tumblr is a great social media tool for paying attention to what real brides (and some grooms) are talking about as they plan their weddings. It's not a platform I recommend that businesses use as a true blog since it can't do what you need it to from a marketing perspective, but it is great to use as a listening tool.

I use Tumblr primarily to see what real couples are talking about and where their wedding ideas match up with what the industry wedding blogs and professionals are talking about. In some areas everyone is on the same page. In others, we as an industry are way out of touch with what today's couples think of weddings.

Today I want to share one glaring observation that I see on a daily basis: most real brides do not realize that the inspiration shoots showcased on wedding blogs or in some vendors' galleries are not real weddings. These photos get reblogged (or "tumbled") all the time with commentary indicating that the person sharing the photo thinks it's a real wedding.

It's easy when you're in the industry to spot the difference between a styled wedding shoot and a real wedding. It's not that obvious when your day job is completely unrelated to anything bridal. Another thing to keep in mind, especially if you're a blogger, is that almost every newly engaged bride or groom assumes that a wedding photo online is going to be a "real wedding." Prior to being initiated to the wedding blog world, it never would occur to them that wedding professionals would be producing staged shoots.

Blurring the lines between styled shoots and real weddings may seem harmless, but it only makes a wedding professional's job more difficult when they have to explain to a crushed bride that the flowers she had her heart set on (and created her entire color palette around) don't actually grow in that color in nature and were photoshopped to match the rest of a blog's inspiration board. If you're sharing a styled shoot, please make sure you clearly label it so that a couple can plan a beautiful wedding with realistic expectations.

We're Not in 2005 Anymore, Toto

Often I hear from wedding vendors that they're not going to "do social media" because they're going to befriend a bunch of planners (or venues, but for this post let's say planners) and that's how they'll spread the word about their product or service and get referrals. Which is all well and fine except the world doesn't work like that anymore.

Take for example, Paloma's Nest, who quickly became the darling of the design and wedding blogs after launching her company on Etsy at the end of 2007. Yes, she had wedding planners recommending her products, but it was the fact that they were the "must have" item that drove up their demand. Since then, her products have been sold at Anthropologie, BHLDN (Anthropologie's new wedding line) and Caroline will be opening her flagship store in June 2011. Also, because Caroline engages in social media in a real way, people are more emotionally connected to her original product than a lower priced knockoff.

Contrast that with another bridal company who sought out key, high-end planners as their referral base. They ran an extremely lucrative business until that well dried up. One planner had a relative who started offering a similar product and since blood is thicker than water, she used that relative as her sole source. Another planner closed up shop abruptly due to an unforeseen family emergency. Another planner became friends with a competitor of the original company's and the referral phone stopped ringing. Then the economy hit and it was easier to find knockoffs and because this vendor hadn't built a public facing name, brides didn't feel an attachment to them and opted for the lower priced copies instead. Did I mention this was all in the luxury market?

High-end, low-end, middle of the road: no market segment is immune to human nature. Even if you strictly offer a wholesale product not available directly to the public, having a strong social media presence will help insure that demand for your product stays high: through vendor changes, economic declines and any other curve balls life may throw your way. If you're solely banking on vendor referrals carrying you through, you may do okay for a little while, but in the long-term you're playing a losing game.

Earning a Bride or Groom's Trust Online

Professional wedding blogs have become popular not solely because of the inspiration they provide but because they are perceived to be a neutral source. Whereas a bride assumes that a wedding professional's blog will be biased towards that particular professional's services and point of view, they expect a professional wedding blog to be an even playing field where they can take in information and not be bombarded with biased recommendations. Whether this is actually happening when they visit a particular blog is another story and one that professional bloggers have to tread very carefully with if they want to stick around for the long haul.

This typically is what turns off a bride or groom from a wedding professional's blog: it is too much "me me me" and not enough about them. This may seem counterintuitive, but if you want to attract loyal readers who convert to clients or who refer their friends as clients, you cannot continually talk about yourself or all your press appearances or how fabulous you are. I harp on this point all the time and it's because it is the one aspect that people seem to have the hardest time grasping, but it does work. If you want social media to work for your business, dial down the you and dial up the useful.

Providing a neutral source for wedding planning is not about not having an opinion, it is about showing that you have the reader's best interest in mind. Write from your unique perspective on weddings. Don't be controversial for the sake of controversy - if you're sharing your opinion, you will naturally have some posts that make waves with some people and earn congrats from others. If you try to please every single person who visits your blog, your blog will fail.

You may be using social media to market your business, but it will only succeed if readers can trust that you want their wedding to be as amazing as it possibly can, whether they hire you or not.

On Talking About Money

Creating an online marketing strategy isn't just about the technical aspects of SEO or how often to update your social media platforms. It also comes down to the way you present yourself online. I don't advocate that you be a fake version of yourself - ever - but I do think that people should be aware of how they can be perceived by their target market. I'll be discussing online marketing and consumer behavior as it relates to the wedding industry on Think Splendid in the coming days. Today I want to start by talking about that taboo subject: money. Or rather, I want to talk about how you talk about it.

If your target market in the wedding industry is a culture (or subculture) that doesn't talk about money openly, then how you approach things like listing pricing on your website, or blogging or tweeting about your own spending or shopping habits, and even how you approach the topic in consultations will all affect how well you fare with that market segment. On the other side of the coin, if you are working with a culture that openly talks about money and if what they do spend on their wedding is also intended to be used as a public measure of success, then never talking about money or spending can set you back with that particular group.

Remember, people aren't going to go too far out of their comfort zone when they hire their wedding professionals. Take an honest look at your website and social media marketing platforms. How do you discuss money and spending, if at all? Does it fit in with who you are trying to reach? Learn to read people. Know when to dial your conversations down or up, and also know when to accept that a certain type of client just may not be a good fit for you.

Do Weddings Fuel Needless Consumerism?

Two weeks ago, I blogged about Newsweek's cover of the royal wedding and the opinion that the royal wedding was a light, but not shallow, break from a world filled with heavy news. It surprised me when this turned out to be my most controversial post to date (a post along the lines of "what the F*&! is this woman thinking?!" was reblogged on Tumblr nearly a thousand times). I don't mind if people disagree with my opinions, and the counter-arguments do raise an interesting, though not new, question: do weddings fuel needless consumerism? Have weddings become nothing more than an endless parade of gluttony and a chance to show off just how well one has kept up with the Jones’s?

This question presents a tension that I think is healthy. It is one that was always on my mind when I was planning events. I’ve lived and worked in developing nations, in areas of extreme poverty, and when you’ve seen, firsthand, people living without the very basics in life (food, water, shelter, clothing), it can be really difficult to take a bride seriously when she’s stressing out over a precise shade of pink in her five- or six-figure flower budget. It can be really easy to fall into a pattern of saying or thinking, “how can you spend that amount on xyz, don’t you know how many lives that could save?” This pattern of thinking is toxic. Being a spending martyr is no better than being a glutton: neither nagging about nor ignoring real issues is a good solution.

That’s not to say I think weddings are by default superficial or materialistic. I’ve also had the great pleasure of working with couples and colleagues who get what a wedding is really about. I love weddings because they are, at their core, a celebration of people. They celebrate the couple, their love and their decision to go through life together, thick and thin. They also celebrate every single guest in the room. Weddings are a way of honoring the people who helped shape the bride or groom into the person the other fell in love with. There is nothing shallow about celebrating love, whether it's the love between a couple, the love between a family, or the love between friends.

I share this story often when I speak: one of the main reasons I went into business for myself was because I wanted to be able to fund the humanitarian projects I’m passionate about (namely related to HIV/AIDS and issues of extreme poverty). I began my career in events at a non-profit that worked with social justice issues, and it is something I am deeply passionate about. Years ago, I watched a documentary about a plastic surgeon who worked six months out of the year at his posh practice in the States and then the other six months he volunteered overseas doing reconstructive surgeries for children whose faces had been mutilated in the Rwandan genocides. When I started my business, I decided I wanted to build it in a similar fashion. This goal shapes every decision I make with my business. It is the reason I chose to grow my company the way I did. It is an aggressive goal, and so I developed a plan with an aggressive pace. Aside from having a background in events, I chose the wedding industry because I knew it wouldn’t crush my soul in the process.

The needs of the world can be overwhelming, so you have to choose what you’re personally passionate about and do what you can in those areas. No one can do everything, and fortunately, no one is expected to do everything. Working to eradicate poverty, or feeding the homeless, or championing cancer or autism research doesn’t negate the need to also celebrate the joys of life. People have a right to live fully, not just merely.

If someone is a materialistic, shallow person, then it makes sense that the focus of their wedding would be materialistic and shallow. Having a beautiful ceremony or reception and a big celebration does not necessarily equal superficiality and all weddings shouldn't be painted with broad strokes of a black and white brush. Luxury or high-end doesn’t necessarily equal shallow. Shallow equals shallow and it comes in every tax bracket.