The Best Way To Unblock Your Creativity

Is it possible to be creative while holding a grudge or two? Of course.

Want your creativity to increase exponentially? Let those grudges go.

The most creative people — the people who have a new idea a minute — have cultivated the habit of seeing the world as it could be and, more importantly, the habit of seeing people as they could be. They believe in untapped potential, both for themselves and others, and believe that people have the capacity to change.

Holding a grudge keeps you from all this.

Grudges block gratitude because they are poison, never allowing a perspective of thankfulness to take root.

The act of holding a grudge requires taking the posture of moral superiority, never allowing you to truly collaborate — even with people you're not upset with.

People who hold grudges settle for dissolving relationships rather than doing the harder — but more rewarding — work of communication and conflict resolution.

Without the open-mindedness required to notice the silver lining in any situation, and without a community encouraging healthy habits, your creativity will always be stifled. You can still have enough creativity to get by, sure, but you will never have the degree of creativity that empowers you to get ahead and stay there.

Set healthy boundaries, but don't confuse a grudge with a boundary. Grudges may punish the other person to some degree, but they always — without fail — end up hurting you more.

Originally published June 2015

The Side Benefit of Not Paying Attention To Your Frienemies

One of the most toxic things you can do is try to justify or minimize another person's success. Just do your thing and let them do theirs.

Justifying or minimizing someone else's success often comes in the form of a statement like, "Jane can accomplish that because she has X, Y, and Z – whereas I only have Y and Z." This way of thinking and living is debilitating. 

What could you accomplish if you channeled even a fraction of the energy you spend on being bitter towards someone else because they were seemingly dealt a better hand, or because others, "Don't know what Jane is really like?"

Spending 15 minutes per day – ten minutes here, five minutes there – hate-following someone on Instagram or Facebook adds up to 91 hours per year.

That's more than two 40-hour work weeks spent focusing on the negative. Over two weeks of creativity lost because of misplaced focus. And if we're honest, many of us spend much more than fifteen minutes per day focusing on competitors or frienemies.

What could you create with even just 10% of that energy and time if it were focused on making YOU better?

If you can't ever seem to find time to exercise, how would your health change if you committed to just fifteen minutes instead of the desired-but-never-happening hour-long session?

What new product or service could you launch if you had two extra work weeks in the year?

You have more time than you think.

The original version of this post was published June 2009

Playing For The Stage

There's a saying in improv: "play for the stage, not for the seats."

As it relates to what you do as an artist and visionary, it means taking what people think they want and delivering what they really want instead. In the wedding industry, Calder ClarkDebbie Geller, and Marcy Blum are all geniuses at this.

You're the expert. If you want to produce a unique wedding or product, you don't start with images from Instagram, Pinterest, blogs, or magazines. By definition, if an image of the idea exists, it's already been done. If you want to be known as an artist with a perspective then you have to play for the stage. This means not doing what others have done or what's already been published. This means not taking what your audience or clients say they want exactly at face value, but instead digging deeper.

Make no mistake: there's money to be made in playing for the seats, in creating work that pulls its inspiration from what's been done before. More importantly, there is nothing inherently wrong with this. If creating work that is on trend rather than being the one who is setting trends is how you want to pay your kids' tuition, then more power to you. There are literally hundreds of thousands of couples who simply want a pretty wedding and an awesome experience for their guests. This is a completely legitimate choice. Target makes zillions of dollars selling products that are on trend, but they are not the ones setting the trends. It is not their business model and it doesn't have to be yours.

Here's the thing though: you can't have it both ways. You can't play for the stage and for the seats. You can't be known as the most creative company in the history of ever and simultaneously be copying ideas from other artists.

The fact of the matter is that playing for the stage is hard. The work is hard, pushing yourself to be creative after you feel you've spent all your creativity is hard, attracting the right clients is hard. Playing for the stage requires a level of grit and moxie and thick skin and tough conversations that playing for the seats does not. Playing for the stage means you will be judged more harshly and that you will have to forgive and forget more generously.

If your goal is to be unique though, then playing for the stage is really the only option.

Originally published September 2013