Community

Celebrating Success

Yours and others’.

Assuming everyone has an ulterior motive is a toxic way to live.

Sure, some people do. Others, however, truly want to see what's best for you happen. They often want to contribute to your success out of a belief that a rising tide raises all ships.

If the people in your life seem to only get excited when others fail, if they're all too eager to gossip about someone any time something negative happens, if they intentionally feed discord based on assumptions, then give yourself some space.

Find and surround yourself with people who not only celebrate the success of others but who also help work to make it happen.

More importantly, be that person.
 


Originally published July 2014

The Frienemy Market

You can’t do great work if you’re being pulled down.

Photo by    Cameron Clark

Photo by Cameron Clark


In my travels as a speaker and wedding business consultant, I've found that local wedding markets can be described in one of two ways:

  1. A market where some groups of wedding pros are truly friends with each other, seek to collaborate, and let the other groups live and let live

  2. A frienemy market

A frienemy market is exactly what it sounds like: most of the wedding professionals pretend to like each other, but in actuality can't stand one another. "I love your idea!" they'll crow, with their fingers crossed behind their back. They never share real ideas for fear that you'll steal them, even if you've never stolen anything in your life. They'll dismiss your accomplishments as no big deal, even if they are a very big deal and will try to guilt-trip you into thinking that you shouldn't be so proud of whatever it is you may be celebrating.

As a professional speaker, it's pretty easy to tell which markets are which. During the conference cocktail hour in both types of markets everyone is best friends, posing for Instagram, and making small talk about each other's kids. During the Q+A sessions however, people in a frienemy market will ask very few questions but deluge the speaker with questions via email afterward. When other speakers and I exchange notes, the markets this happens in are always the same.

It's also worth noting that the markets with the least creative ideas, the least innovation, who harp the most about the “good old days” – but who also have the most ego – are frienemy markets.

Frienemy markets produce mediocrity. If you're in a market like this, develop some Teflon-like skin and do whatever you can to not get sucked into the trap. You can't do great work if you're being pulled back down with every decision you make.


Originally published July 2012

Assuming the Worst

One of the biggest mistakes people make in business is writing someone off because of one aspect about that person that they may not like. This often leads to soured relationships and underestimating the competition.

We're all human and we're all flawed in one way or another. You don't have to agree with someone 100% of the time, but disagreeing with them doesn't automatically make them a bad person or a terrible company.

Be careful not to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Assuming that one flaw or difference in opinion defines the whole is a dangerous practice in both business and life.
 


Originally published May 2010